fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
3 2 1 whiskey
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize