you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
