its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize