My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
