Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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