his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
