They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
