His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
