he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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