Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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