Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
