I don't think brook has ever known best
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
