sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
