You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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