and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
