I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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