Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
