You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
