whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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