Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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