HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So squirting runs in the family.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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