I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
