I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
