you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
