drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
