Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
