Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
