On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
