Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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