I will die if light touches me.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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