walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
