I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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