i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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