Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
