she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
