watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
