I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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