I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
