No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
