Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
