Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
