I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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