take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
