It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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