i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
