My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
