shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
