uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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