So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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