her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
