Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
