The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
