He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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