Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
