I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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