Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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