Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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