I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
