i think my mom watched the whole time
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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