My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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