btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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