My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the condom got lost in my hair
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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