That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
